It’s just disappointment.
But there are those moments when, after enough jabs, one more can knock you to the mat. Head swirling. Tough to catch your breath. Tough to get back up. Shock. Panic. Anger. Doubt.
Over the last year or so I’ve been exploring … oh, let’s say a recareering. For years I’ve had my own business (which is a term I’ve used loosely for it) and since the recession, it’s dwindled. Well, it’s not all the economy. Sure I could blame it on that but you wouldn’t believe me anyway.
I lost the fire.
At this point in my life I’ve sought out a change. A vehicle by which to be of greater service to others. And to do work that matters.
I started volunteering a few months ago for a large non-profit. I used this tactic to help transition. A toe-in-the-water-show-hone-build-skills kind of move.
It’s been great. Found a fit. I’ve done well. I’ve been told that. Okay, you get the drift.
My supervisor has pushed me toward a couple of open positions. One seemed particularly promising. Until yesterday.
Face in the mat. Head swirling. Tough to get back up. Shock. Panic. Anger. Doubt.
I just want to lay here. Wallow a while with my friend, self-pity.
Questions hit. What am I doing wrong? Did I blow it with past wrong choices? And now is it too late to make a change? I know I can do this. But it seems like a hard sell.
What do you do with that?
Well, in spite of how I felt, I went back to what I know. Here are my 8 ways to combat disappointment.
1) Get back up. I rode my bike last night. What I wanted to do was ride it into the sunset till I hit the ocean. Jump in and keep swimming. But I’m in Phoenix. So even though I rode pretty far, that would’ve been a little ambitious. Anyway, that’s one way to combat mild suicidal ideation.
2) Reached out to a couple of trusted people. I do have great friends and family.
3) Felt the feelings. Don’t ignore it. Don’t fight it. It still comes out whether in relationships, or at the dog. Grieve it. Just don’t stay there.
4) Reframed it. There must be another door I’m to go through. In spite of nagging doubt, I’m believing on that.
5) Applied a one-day-at-a-time perspective. If you’re still breathing in and out, there’s a new start tomorrow.
6) Wrote this. Recently I’ve heard a number of people say that writing’s not all about you. Wanna bet? Okay, you gotta get in your readers’ shoes and all that. But as I write this, I clarify. I wrestle with my insanity, stupidity, fear, self-pity, and grief.
7) Helped others. Go ahead. Force yourself. Yeah, I showed up to volunteer again this morning. Got over myself for a bit. There’s always someone in a worse situation. Someone who could use your help. Oh, and, the Director and Vice President of the company happened to stop by.
Where will that go? I have no idea. Maybe nowhere. And right now I’m a little bit better with that.
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What disappointments have you had recently? What did you do that helps? I’d like to know. And I’m not just saying general items like have more faith. That’s a given. But what’s shaken your faith lately?